Feeling Stronger Every Day

So, on Tuesday, I started the South Beach Diet. It's something that I've thought about for a while, and in fact, I've owned the book since March (and read it then too!). After my scare on Monday, I decided to try something different. I went grocery shopping and stocked up on cheeses, meats, and nuts and yummy veggies. My official weigh in is tomorrow, but I'm very pleased at what has been going on with my scale.

I also feel like I have more energy, which is funny, because I always associated carbs with energy. At the gym, I've been punching out great workouts this week and I feel refreshed and energized after they are done. Compared to what I've been doing over the past few months, it's nice not to feel completely exhausted and depleted after working out.

Do I miss carbs? Oh yeah. While eating my eggs and turkey sausage this morning, I couldn't help but notice the aroma coming off of Roo's cinnamon bagel. Or how tasty his hamburger looked with a bun on it while I was eating mine bunless. Or how great a bowl of cereal sounded last night while I was munching on my ricotta creme nighttime snack. Yesterday, when I stayed at the office a bit longer than I expected to, stranded with just a string cheese and some almonds, I wanted to eat some pretzels or something else to stabilize me. It's just so easy to reach for carbs when you're not thinking... and honestly, they are my comfort food. Does that mean all carbs are gone forever? No, they're just restricted for the next two weeks, and I am going to allow myself a "cheat" meal once a week. But I do think that once I move onto Phase 2 (where carbs are less restricted, and you're supposed to pay attention to the Glycemic Index), I will be eating less carbs than I usually do.

But I have to say, I am *never* hungry (minus me not planning on staying at the office for lunch yesterday, and then getting bogged down in work that kept me there way past my usual lunch time... but that's more bad planning on my part rather than me starving from not eating enough).

Is this a crash diet? Trust me, that is a concern of mine. I'm worried that once I reintroduce carbs into my diet, the pounds that have left will come back with a vengeance. However, there are plenty of people who eat less carbs and focus on eating "real" (non-processed foods) that have been successful on this type of diet.

Why am I doing this? First, it was suggested to me by my doctor as well as friends who have been on low-carb diets. Secondly, I need a change. Roo asked me the other night why I can't just stick to Weight Watchers (and therefore have more flexibility in what I can eat) and the answer is I HATE COUNTING POINTS. I hate getting so wrapped up in "how many points is this" or "what should I count my activity as for today". It. Drives. Me. Crazy. I love the idea of intuitive eating, and if that means restricting my diet for a few weeks while I learn what I should "intuitively" turn to when I get hungry, well then, let that happen.

Slipping Through My Fingers

Yesterday was one of those days that I never want to experience again. But, funny enough, it's something that has happened to me twice in the past six months. At the doctor's office, my blood pressure shot up ridiculously. 160/110. To me, that is unbelievable. It's even more ridiculous since I monitor my blood pressure daily, and it's never been that high. I have white coat syndrome, but that can't possibly be the reason behind why my BP was that high.

Seriously, bless my doctor. He's my allergist, and honestly, one of the nicest men that I've ever met. After the nurse showed her bad bedside manner to me (literally strapped a BP cuff around my arm and told me to sit there and that she'd be back), he took over. Took the cuff off of me, told me to get down off the table and have a seat on a regular chair and just sat there and talked to me to calm me down. After that he told me to lay on the table, close my eyes, and relax as he took my BP again. The number came down enough that he was okay sending me home, but he then spent the next few minutes talking to me about being active and eating right. I told him about my weight loss journey and how frustrated I've been over the past year, and he was empathetic. While I was talking, I realized what I needed to do, and how I need to go about doing it. Do I really want this to happen every time I go to the doctor's (which, yes, I already made an appointment with my PCP to have my BP checked out... although it is MUCH lower this morning, thank goodness)? Do I want to be pregnant and have to deal with being a high risk pregnancy because of my weight and my blood pressure?

The answer is no.

Mini Success

After that confession earlier in the week, I stepped up and really committed myself to eating right and hitting the gym every day. I really want to get back to going to the gym in the morning, so that is my goal for next week. However, since the beginning of the week when I got uncomfortably close to my unmentionable weight, I've lost two pounds. I'm so happy. I realize that losing weight isn't easy, and I think I'm finally getting back to the point where I am ready to put in the hard work to feel good again. Yay! Aha moment #3 might just be working :)

Deja Vu

We've been here before. I've been here before.

I keep having this *aha* moments (thanks, Oprah). But are they really aha moments when you don't follow through with them? I had aha moment #1 back in January. I was sick of the 15 pounds that I had put on and bought Jillian Michaels' "Winning by Losing." Per her instructions, wrote down my goals and my rewards for hitting those goals. I soon forgot about all of this and gained a bit more weight.

Aha moment #2 came in May when I had to dig out my clothes from last summer and realized I didn't fit in any of my pants. Oh crap. Time to lose some weight. So, I signed up for Weight Watchers online. I lost 7 pounds in the month of June... and gained them all back by the end of July.

I had aha moment #3 this weekend. Nothing is as unforgiving as facing yourself in the dressing room mirror. I'm in the same place I was over Memorial Day weekend. I didn't lose anything, and in two weeks, I need to face a classroom full of kids, and I'm not going to do it in clothes that are noticeably tight. So, I went shopping and realized that I looked pregnant in everything. I bought three tops and walked away not feeling great. I felt like I finally had clothes that fit me, but I was unhappy in having to buy those sizes that I thought I said goodbye to 24 months ago.

I've been making every excuse in the book not to go to the gym. My cortisone shot. Being tired all the time. Having tummy issues. Time to stop. Time to just focus on the end goal. Time to just get on that elliptical and move closer to where I want to be. I want to not be on blood pressure medicine. I don't want to have a high risk pregnancy when we're ready for kids in a few years. I don't want to look pregnant when I'm not. I don't want to be tired. I want what I had last summer... I felt fit, self-confident in my clothes, and happy. I got the happy part. Now it's time to journey onto the other two.